Sex is such a taboo topic in our society, isn’t it?? But… why?? If we were more open and proud about our sensuality and sexuality, perhaps we would be able to solve more issues such as painful sex, boring sex, or even, lack thereof. There are so many variables and subjects to discuss in sex, but let’s really dig into motherhood and sex, because, well, we are more experienced in that variation of sex, than let’s say, exhibitionism for example, but hey, if that is your thing – own it!
Trying to conceive, whether it is your first or last, can be rough on your sex life because it can turn sex into a chore, when it should be fun, and bonding. The best way to re-vision this is that you are not scheduling sex, you are scheduling bonding and intimacy time. Make it into a date, if you can, even if it is just a “Netflix and Chill” kind of date in your living room, after the older kids are in bed. Throw on a film thats inappropriate, funny or scary, and cuddle up with some pistachios and chocolate (yum… well-known and science backed aphrodisiacs) and enjoy each other.
When you are trying to PREVENT conception, sex can be intimidating, especially considering us natural-minded mamas that choose not to use hormonal birth control, but really are not prepared to get pregnant again, yet, or ever. Condoms are an option… but have you heard about Neem? Neem has been studied and proven to kill sperm on contact. A male can safely ingest this in neem caps, or by tincture (but just a heads up, it does not taste or smell great, at all), or you can use a Neem oil based lubricant.
Our friend over at How He’s Raised makes this lubricant that is safe and effective.
Also, you really need to consider tracking your fertility, with temping, watching your cervical mucus and checking cervical positioning! We have a video all about it that you can watch here.
Sex During Pregnancy
For pregnant women, sex can be difficult too. You may be overstimulated, exhausted, sore, nauseous, all of the above, and then some. When you feel up to it, sex is amazing for labor preparation, as it stimulates oxytocin release, and semen has natural prostaglandins in it that soften the cervix. Do not worry though, baby will not be harmed. Your cervix and the amniotic and chorionic sacs are protecting baby in your belly and they actually benefit from the oxytocin release, as well.
Having Sex Postpartum
Sex postpartum!! This is one of the worst experiences I went through, personally. With my first, I had an episiotomy and husband stitch (GAG) so I was sore beyond even bearing my own touch after using the bathroom for about 12 weeks or so, let alone attempting sex! Eventually my scar tissue kind of broke itself up enough to be “comfortable” but I was still in pain, every time, especially in positions that increased depth. It wasn’t until 3 years later, when I finally saw a Pelvic Floor Therapist after birthing the surrogate twins, that I realized how much scar tissue I had, and how much I could actually ENJOY sex again. It can make us feel like lesser when we cannot participate in sex postpartum, the way that we used to, especially after our first baby. We may believe that sex will never be the same again and that our spouses will always be longing for someone else. It is okay to be a different type of sexy, you are mama sexy now! You have wider hips for holding, bigger thighs for squeezing, stretch marks for kissing, and such. Paint your body into the beautiful womanly figure that it is. Practice mirror therapy to encourage self-confidence.
Attend a sex retreat if you can! Seriously, my husband and I had one of the most fun and bonding times together as a couple, at a sex retreat. Now, this is definitely not what you are envisioning when you think sex retreat. We did not take a field trip to the dungeon and have a mass orgy for three days straight, but we went out into nature with other couples and singles, played games involving learning about different sexual fetishes, aligned our chakras, practiced couple bonding, chatted with others about their stories and where they came from, did yoga in the nude, had some really yummy food, and made love under the stars. I highly encourage looking into Moksha Magick if you ever get an opportunity, the ceremonies are mesmerizing and enlightening.
Eye gazing can stimulate bonding and increased sexual energy whether you are TTC, freshly postpartum or just doing it, in general.
Sex is a beautiful thing, and not something to be shameful of, by any means. If you are struggling with pain, lack of libido, or anything else that makes sex unpleasurable, please seek someone to help! There are many herbs that can balance hormones to increase libido, and a pelvic floor therapist can do wonders for pain during sex.
Love yourself and make love as you please!